Friday, October 23, 2009


Why do we despair over things we wont control? Most who despair are in situations brought on by themselves. Now I know some of us have medical issues that are not within our control but can have a maintained balance if you follow the directions given. I despair mainly over affairs of the heart, I know, I know this too can be controlled by me. I have never been able to let go very easily because I fall so deep into my relationships. I seem to go after the ones whom I know will not fulfill my void and leave behind the ones who have but I pushed aside. I know that most of my life I have been seeking for that void in my life that I created. My void is my self worth most of the time I feel very strong and positive but then the other time I sink so low that I cant see the top of HELL. Why am I this way I guess I don't want to know because that would make me whole. I obviously love being where I am because I have on many occasions been able to fill that void but havent. I am truly at the point where my misery and despair loves company. I will rebound as usual. I will survive. I just hope this time it is soon, my heart and body can't continue this path much longer. I know it is all within my control. I will control!!! I have to control!!!

Seek the source
Grasp the source
Engulf the source

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