Monday, October 26, 2009

Lost Loved Ones

On the eve of the upcoming anniversary of my brother Darryl's death, I am reflecting on the whys? I have always said to others " rejoice in the time spent with them" I try to do the same but it isn't always possible. I miss him terribly. Darryl was the closest to me, we were 1 year, 1 month and 1 day apart from each other. He was the one who tried to keep us all together. He was never successful in his mission to get us all together before he passed but it. I write this tonite because I know others have lost someone very dear to them. Is there a time frame on how long you can mourn them? Why must there be a limit? I have lost in my lifetime both parents and all grandparents. I truly miss my mother alot and keep asking why? Why didn't she follow the instructions from the drs? why did she leave me? I need her so much, to comfort me and scold me to be ME. Am I being selfish? probably so. I know there are others out there like me asking the same questions. To all of you I say whatever it takes for you to keep them close to your heart you do. Do remember the good times and wish them much happiness on thier journey to wherever their spirit went. The question still remains as to why did they have to go? I don't believe they had to suffer. I know they held on as long as they could if not for themselves but for us. The pain they were suffering was a selfless pain because of the joy they saw in us. I guess when you get to a certain point in your life everyday IS a BLESSING! Unfortunately my grandmother didn't have a choice she was killed by a drunk driver while on her way to a close family friends funeral. My grandmother was my rock!! while my mother and brother was very important to me, my grandmother was my heart!! When i had given up on life she was the one who pulled me back into her arms and let me know it would be all right. Oh the comfort of her arms around me and looking up into her eyes gave me a sense of comfort like nothing else. I still have the last letter she wrote to me telling me everything would be alright. She was KILLED 2 weeks later. I have never said goodbye to her and I don't want to. You see it was my birthday month and now I look at that month with joy and anger. The joy for reaching another year and anger for not being able to share it with her and my other loved ones. One day at a time is all i do. Grandma, I LOVE YOU!!!! Darryl, THANK YOU!!!! Mom, I NEED YOU!!!! This is the selfish part of me. To all of you I cherished you, for without you I wouldn't be here today. I am well. I have succeeded so many things thanks to each of you. I see each of you everyday when i look at my family. I hope you can see the product of your love and guidance and are proud!!

I am you
You are me
We are family

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